In mid-February a group rented Renovation Community’s entire facilities for a massive 2-day event. But two weeks before, we were still making desperately-needed updates (including removing almost every decades’ old door to repaint them). We DIY most projects and hit delays along the way with this one.
Associate pastor Jordan Buchner is a ‘Get It Done’ guy. I’m more of a ‘Think About Getting It Done’ guy.
I struggle with ‘Paralysis By Analysis.’ And shortly before that big event, the weight of decisions, constantly listening to others’ sad dysfunctions, fatigue from lingering COVID, and DIY roadblocks got the best of me. I just wanted to hide from the world, not answer the Parsonage doorbell to all my chronically homeless friends, and give up on our renovation projects. I’m not talking about Clinical Depression or temporary mental illness. It was just plain ol’ discouragement from too much Life all at once.
Perhaps you can relate to an emotional fatigue that causes the simplest tasks to feel difficult. We should never ignore this type of fatigue. It’s like a ‘Check Engine’ light to indicate something about our mental health needs attention. Praise God, our culture speaks more openly than we used to about ‘Self Care.’
But the line can look blurry between ‘Self Care’ and ‘Running Away From Our Problems.’ And introverted pastors like me can spiritualize Running Away behind churchy language about prayer and Bible reading. . Sometimes we all genuinely need a Retreat. Other times, however, we need friends like Jordan who are brave enough to say “kick it into gear” (even brave enough to say it to their own boss).
We started a job and needed to finish it.
So I did kick it in gear. We finished everything in time for the big event in our building. And I took a much-needed break once it ended.
Scripture compares the Church to a human body with Christ as the head and each Christian serving as some other part. Pastors play a role in that too. And Renovation Community would not be what it is today if I were its only pastor.
Reverend Jordan Buchner, You’re a man of many talents– renovator, music leader, IT guy, and great Stay at Home Dad.
Last week our oldest son took this photo after a family wedding out of state. My wife looked absolutely stunning. Her hair was perfect (she even had that Windswept Model look here). She’d spent plenty of time planning every detail of her outfit and then applying her makeup.
The bride looked wonderful. [And, yes, I cried.] But my very *definition* of Beauty wasn’t wearing white; she was wearing green and sat beside me. And just like the groom on the platform couldn’t take his eyes off his bride, I couldn’t take my eyes off mine.
The DJ invited all married couples to the dance floor during the reception. He was looking for the longest married couple. After almost 16 years of marriage, we danced longer than many but still left early in the song. The winning couple had been married 62 years (Kelly’s grandparents).
The love of my life looked different the next morning in the hotel. Instead of carefully-applied makeup, the rosiness in her cheek came from the pillow on which she’d been sleeping. Instead of a fancy dress and jewelry, she wore pajamas. And her hair had lost all its shape.
Yet the very *definition* of Beauty stood before me in that hotel room. And I truly couldn’t take my eyes off her.
The Bible reminds us that outward “beauty is fleeting” and “people look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (Proverbs 31:30, 1 Samuel 16:7). So if the Bible were to have a list of characteristics we should look for in a spouse, Outward Beauty would probably be the last (if it made the list at all).
But society screams Beauty should be *first* on our list. And society is a *powerful* influencer. So imagine the problems that happen when we prioritize like the world does and believe its twisted definition of Beauty.
That’s why years ago I heard a man counsel husbands to pray God would constantly ‘re-write’ their definition of Beauty to align with their wife’s current appearance. In other words, we should pray God would make our wife the “plumb line” for Beauty.
A plumb line is an ancient tool (although sometimes still used today) that received several Biblical mentions. Workers use them to determine a perfect vertical angle, like when a bricklayer needs to build a straight wall.
For years sociologists have studied how society’s sick obsession with unnatural beauty standards harms women’s mental health. Imagine being forced to walk through a horrific hybrid between a never-ending maze and a house of mirrors at a carnival (or as John Bunyan called the carnival in The Pilgrim’s Progress, “Vanity Fair”). It’s like society forever prevents women from seeing the true beauty staring back at them. The weary travelers always hope they’ll finally see their beauty around the corner… only to be disappointed with another unnatural image.
But men also fall prey to Vanity Fair’s endless reality-distorting mirrors. And if we’re not careful (as that man counseled years ago) we husbands will believe society’s soul-destroying lies, like a snake hissing in our ear, about the Bride walking by our side…
“She’s not beautiful anymore. Beauty looks like that woman over there. Beauty hasn’t borne children. Beauty is always younger. Beauty no longer lives in your home. Beauty is in that cubicle next to you. Beauty is only a few clicks away on the internet.”
For the sake of our marriages and Eternity, the man recommended I pray “God, make my wife my plumb line for Beauty.”
So I do. And He does.
***
There’s a disturbing trend with some male (celebrity) pastors publicly bragging about their ‘smoking hot wife.’ [Seriously. Google the word “pastor” with that phrase to read about it.] It comes off as some sort of weird and patriarchal competition.
This post is not that.
Rather, it is a reminder of the Bible’s mandate husbands should “rejoice in the wife of your youth” and “be captivated by her” (Proverbs 31:30, 6:25). [Technically, that second verse reads “be captivated by her love,” which seems to be a Hebraic way of summarizing every part of her and her love towards her husband.] Notice neither of these commands to husbands is contingent. It doesn’t read “rejoice in her if there’s anything worthy of rejoicing” or “be captivated by her if you or the world think she’s captivating.”
EVERY wife (regardless of her personality, skill set, vocation, education level, etc) has qualities in them about which husbands should rejoice. And EVERY wife (regardless of how society gauges her beauty) IS (or should be) captivating in her husband’s eyes. If she *isn’t,* the flaw lay with the husband’s disobedience to Scripture. It is *he* who has allowed Vanity Fair to distort his reality and be captivated by something (or someone) else. The husband who no longer sees the Beauty in his wife has traded God’s plumb line for some distorted measurement he stole from the House of Mirrors.
***
My wife knows how to style herself well. And she rightly stewards the only body God gave her. She exercises, eats right, and protects her skin from sun. So she definitely looks beautiful by our society’s current standards.
But age can be tough. Traumatic accidents and disease can permanently alter appearances. And Vanity Fair is fickle and ruthless, like a casino letting you win at the tables for a while before robbing you blind. Like a shallow magazine now deeming last season’s popular fashion as “sooooo out of style,” the Fair will create new impossible beauty standards.
So decades from now, I’m sure the Fair’s fickle judges will sway popular opinion once again. People won’t compliment my octogenarian wife’s beauty or trendy dress and heels like they do now.
But if God allows me to be an octogenarian husband, I’ll be oblivious to the Fair’s ever-changing standards. For I choose the path of Scriptural obedience. God has granted my prayer. And I trust He always will.
Lord willing, after 60+ years of marriage, we’ll attend weddings filled with young women who have perfectly manicured hair and makeup. I’ll scan the entire room and praise God the very definition of Beauty is dancing with me (or sitting next to me with our walkers beside us 😊).
Husbands,
I fail and sin in many ways. But the wise counsel I received years ago continues to bless and protect our marriage. May you heed the same wisdom as I have.
Full transparency: It’s been an incredibly tough couple of weeks. Recent events have discouraged me. [Praise God for a great counselor. 😉 Thanks Tim Watson, LPC-S, NCC]
And then our insurance agent began shopping around for our church’s renewal.
Big, old buildings are absurdly expensive to insure. But it wasn’t just the thought of paying big premiums again that tempted me to despair. It was a whole host of discouraging pastoral situations.
Were the recent events proof that I’d need to ‘backtrack’ from the path down which I’ve led Renovation Community for many years– ‘fasting’ from typical ministry fundraising strategies while sacrificially serving the hurting people many other churches overlook?
So I poured out my heart to God in my private prayer journal (a secret email account I can access from anywhere). Over the years, I’ve learned to add more detail into these journal entries. Not because God needs it, but because I need it. When I re-read these prayers decades from now and see God’s answers, I need to remind myself of the overwhelming details and feelings I had in that moment.
Let me draw your attention to three dates:
-the date of my prayer (Tuesday, October 25)
-the date on the check (Saturday, October 22)
-the date the check was mailed (Tuesday, October 25)
Jesus reminded His followers “your Heavenly Father knows what you need BEFORE you ask Him” (Matthew 6:8). This check had already been written 3 days BEFORE I wrote out my prayer for divine clarity and financial intervention.
But (because my Heavenly Father still wants to teach me much on prayer) He waited to send my prayer’s answer (i.e. put the check in the mail) until I’d actually prayed.
Friends,
God’s ways answering prayers still remain quite mysterious to me. I can’t promise He will answer your prayers in the way or timeframe you’d like.
But I can promise you He hears your every prayer. So pour out your deepest anxieties to Him. Trust that a loving God hears and that He knows what you need before you ask.
Pastor colleagues, lately I’m often thinking about God’s words to the prophet Ezekiel…
“This is what the Sovereign Lord says: woe to you shepherds of Israel who only take care of yourselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. You have not strengthened the weak or healed those who are ill or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost.” (Ezekiel 34:2-4)
[FYI for others: “shepherds” here was an analogy for religious leaders.]
Clearly, God doesn’t think these leaders shepherded well. But you’d often expect a bad shepherd to struggle through life (i.e. their poor shepherding skills would harm the sheep and thereby harm the shepherd’s standard of living). Yet these leaders enjoy many metaphorical benefits of shepherding (e.g. eating curds from sheep milk, wearing sheep wool, and even eating meat from slaughtered sheep). So what’s going on here? It seems these shepherds have surrounded themselves with stable, healthy sheep free from any problems that would harm the shepherds’ lifestyle. It’s as though they have intentionally sought out unusually healthy flocks to shepherd, disregarded the unhealthy sheep that once were part of their flock, or a little of both.
While the Bible clearly teaches the worker is worth his or her wages, these shepherds’ wages far exceed their actual work. Because, of course, how hard is it to shepherd stable, healthy sheep who offer you much but need almost nothing in return? Were these shepherds truly caring for others when there’s such a clear personal gain in exchange?
Anyone who cares for livestock could tell you a sickly, injured, or distressed animal risks producing little financial return. ‘Non-essential’ cellular reproduction halts or decreases under stress. So a sick sheep might stop producing the best wool. A distressed mother’s milk supply could dry up. The meat of a sickly slaughtered animal often is inedible.
This means God calls his ‘shepherds’ here to care for ‘sheep’ who aren’t producing a material return on investment.
These shepherds aren’t administering true care. They’ve invested all their time in sheep who barely need them while being derelict in duty to the sheep who desperately *do* need them…the sick, hurting, and lost.
God is angry they haven’t strengthened the weak, healed the ill, bandaged the injured, or brought back the strays.
But analogies comparing religious leaders and the people they serve to shepherds and sheep quickly break down don’t they? After all, a human being is worth far more than a piece of livestock!
Exactly.
If a good shepherd would take care of sick, hurting, and lost sheep, how much more should a religious leader take care of *people* in similar situations??
Pastor colleagues and fellow ministry leaders,
What kind of shepherd are you… am I?
Life’s expenses constantly tempt us to chase funds in ways harmful to those we’ve truly been called to serve. When fatigued with ministry, our proverbial bed among the 99 calls to us at night while that “one” wanders alone in the dark. We are tempted to avoid the sin-sick, who may need tremendous investment into their rehabilitation, that we may spend another day playing our harp in fields among the healthy. Some “flocks” look (and truly ARE) healthier than others. But who will bravely seek out and persevere with the sickly and hurting group, attacked both from within and without? Will they remain “like sheep without a shepherd?” Out among the lonely desert, will they continue dying of thirst and drinking from polluted puddles because they have no shepherd willing to endure the heat and offer the Living Water of Christ? Will we seek them out as Christ sought us?
And to my fellow Christians NOT called to some sort of vocational or leadership ministry position..
We ALL have shepherding opportunities in our lives. And we all occasionally need the type of care a loving shepherd would provide.
Christ is our Example.
May we be *good* shepherds as we follow the Good Shepherd.
