Month: April 2023

Did you know Love has a smell?? Sometimes it smells delightful. Other times, it can smell downright horrible. Love often smells when we give it. It can also smell when we receive it. Sometimes Love smells so wonderful that we want more and more of it, like a dessert we can’t stop eating. Other times, however, its awful odor so overpowers us that we try to run from it. But it’s never wise to run from genuine Love.

Not following me? I’ll explain by sharing the smells of Love in my life today as I gave and received it…

Stains from minerals in our water seem especially pernicious in our Parsonage Master shower. My wife likes a clean home. But the smell of most any cleaning agent bothers her nose. She left for school with our boys this morning and won’t be back until this afternoon. As soon as the garage door closes, I spray enough stuff in our tiny shower to disinfect a hospital wing, scrub for a while, crack a window, and shut the door. I’ll rinse it out this afternoon.

The strong smells filled my nose, rather than my wife’s. She is loved.

A reminder dinged on my phone. I need to buy bread and salad before Renovation Community’s 5:30 Wednesday dinner tonight. Some of our church family will prepare spaghetti, meat balls, and garlic bread. Any of our food-insecure church family and guests will drive (and be picked up) to receive a big meal and leave with leftovers after our 6pm Wednesday activities.

As they enter our building and microwave their leftovers the next day, the smells of Italian food will fill their nose. They are loved.

I pull out from home with my dog in the backseat. We’re on our way to a park where we walk 3 miles. I see a special-needs friend, on his own daily trip to the grocery store for snacks. I’m normally returning home as he’s returning from the store. But my morning cleaning gave me a late start and I offer him a ride. I quickly crack all the windows. Rancid body odor and the stench of urine fill my van. He exits the vehicle at the store and I immediately inspect the seat, hoping he hadn’t wet himself. Nope. All dry.

But his overpowering smells linger in my van. He is loved.

Our dog and I arrive at my favorite park. He and I need the exercise. But more than that, my soul needs to walk down wooded paths. I need to be surrounded by trees, feel the sunlight bouncing through the leaves, see birds and squirrels hopping around branches, and hear water flowing down the river.

For 3 miles my Heavenly Father restores my soul outdoors while I bask in a symphony of outdoor smells, all created by Him. I am loved

I get back in my van, a gift from a beloved friend several months ago. Our dog (a gift from friends 3 weeks after our first dog died) pants heavily in the backseat. Both are beautiful gifts from my Heavenly Father.

The smells of warm leather seats, Nature, a happy dog, and lingering odors from my special-needs friend fill my nose on the drive home. I am loved.

What are the smells of Love in your life today? Both the good and bad ones may smell entirely different from mine. But pay attention. They are there.

One last thing…
Don’t fall into the trap of only seeking the good smells of Love. For even in its most rancid-smelling forms, Love is still Love. And since “God is Love,” that means He is in both the sweet and the foulest of smells you may encounter (or avoid) today.

Shortly before Christmas I officiated a memorial service for a woman I didn’t know. As I planned the service with the widowed husband, he sent me a copy of his written eulogy– over 5 single-spaced pages of precious memories. It took him almost 10 minutes to read it during the service.

This man’s marriage reminded me of my marriage in countless ways. She was a popular, confident, take-action, high-caliber achiever; he was an affable but unsure man who leaned on her for encouragement and help over the years.

It was abundantly clear: this man ADORED his wife. And he spent 10 minutes telling everyone about the remarkable bride he was privileged to love. I started worrying the longer I listened… how will this man survive without the love of his life by his side??

And then I wondered,
‘Did he share these feelings with her while she was alive? Did he share these praises about her with others? Did he share only on special occasions, as many of us husbands are prone to do? What about on other random days during the year?’

I don’t know if he’d shared all those feelings while she was alive, but I immediately made a resolution as I listened on that pew…

If Kelly passes before me, my eulogy of her will consist of praises she and others have heard countless times. No one would ever question if I’d shared such sweet praises about my wife while she was still alive.

I thought of that widower husband as I glanced at a printed copy of his wife’s funeral program this week. So today, I make good on my own personal resolution…

Proverbs 5:18 instructs husbands to “rejoice in the wife of your youth.” In a modern, American, Anglo-dominant culture, we English readers tend to read “rejoice” as something like “think happy thoughts about.”

From our cultural perspective, someone may “think happy thoughts about” another person without outwardly acting or saying anything out of the ordinary. But in ancient near-eastern cultures, feelings were expressed VISIBLY AND VOCALLY. [Even today, picture the funeral scenes on the news of tragedies in the Middle East and Africa. Or think of an orthodox Jewish celebration. Throngs of men and women yell, sing and cry loudly, and gesticulate in ways not as common in countries with historic European cultural/ethnic influence.]

The same Hebrew root word used here is used in numerous other passages to describe public praise of God.

So no ancient Jewish husband would hear those words and merely conclude “think private happy thoughts about your wife,” but “think happy thoughts about her that generate into private AND public praise.”

In fact, the famous “Proverbs 31 Woman” poem (“Eshet Chayil”) eventually became part of the weekly Jewish Shabbat family rituals. Before many Jewish families share a meal together on Friday night, they sing or recite these Biblical verses as a praise to the wife/mother of the house. Jewish tradition ensured the hardworking women preparing the Shabbat family meal would receive focused, verbal praise before anyone ate. Guests at the table? They’d listen in (or join in) as husband and children praised their tired wife and mother. I suppose it might have felt awkward for some wives to stand there receiving such public praise. But awkward or not, the hard working woman deserved the family’s praises, which began with, “A woman of valor, who can find? For her price is far above rubies…”

How many exhausted mamas/wives would appreciate sincere praise like that each week?

Publicly praising my bride is an act of obedience and worship to the God who made marriage to my bride possible.

[And to my fellow Christian husbands: “Rejoicing in your wife” isn’t just for the more romantic husbands, or the ones who tend to share their feelings more openly like I do. It’s not only for husbands with so-called “great” marriages. Rejoicing in our wives mirrors how Christ rejoices in His Bride, the Church. Christ’s Bride isn’t perfect. Yet He never stops delighting in Her.]

One of the greatest joys in my life is to tell Kelly and others all the ways I rejoice in her. And you, too, should worry if she goes before me. 😉

Sweetheart,

You most definitely are the wife of my “youth.” We first met at 13, dated for a while at 15, started dating again at 19, and married at 21. I still remember the first time your hand brushed against mine as my dad drove us in the car. We were such babies! We’ve already been together for more than half of our lives. And every day spent with you is a precious blessing.

You have patiently endured countless difficulties that came our way. You have managed our home with wisdom, fun, grace, and valor. You have taught our boys generosity, kindness, sensitivity for others’ feelings, and how to communicate their own feelings in positive ways.

You have remained a stalwart rock amidst my tumultuous vocational ministry.

You have extended loving interest to all who see you as “the pastor’s wife.”

You have stewarded a tight budget with care, while always remaining generous to others. Even when I’m not home, you have graciously served the hungry homeless who ring our doorbell.

You carefully consider what you will attempt or what path you will choose, and then always excel at your endeavors.

You thoughtfully practice discretion in all your words and actions, sensitively considering others’ feelings.

You rise early to care for your own body before you care for others in our home, ensuring we live healthy lives.

Scripture says, “beauty is fleeting.” But I’ll never notice if your beauty flees because God daily answers my prayer that you would be my constant ‘plumb line’ for Beauty. Every time I behold you, no matter how you look in that moment, the Lord graciously ensures you are Beauty Personified in my eye.

I honor you for all that you have done and all that you are. And it has been, and will always be, an honor to be your husband.

You are one of the most remarkable people I know and it’s joy to share life with you each day. Thank you for all the ways you make life special for the boys and me. You bring laughter, stability, and grace to our family as you selflessly serve. Our boys are blessed to have you as their Mama. I am blessed to have you as my wife. And I cherish each private and public opportunity to “rejoice in the wife of my youth.”

---

“A woman of valor, who can find? For her price is far above rubies?”