Shortly before Christmas I officiated a memorial service for a woman I didn’t know. As I planned the service with the widowed husband, he sent me a copy of his written eulogy– over 5 single-spaced pages of precious memories. It took him almost 10 minutes to read it during the service.
This man’s marriage reminded me of my marriage in countless ways. She was a popular, confident, take-action, high-caliber achiever; he was an affable but unsure man who leaned on her for encouragement and help over the years.
It was abundantly clear: this man ADORED his wife. And he spent 10 minutes telling everyone about the remarkable bride he was privileged to love. I started worrying the longer I listened… how will this man survive without the love of his life by his side??
And then I wondered,
‘Did he share these feelings with her while she was alive? Did he share these praises about her with others? Did he share only on special occasions, as many of us husbands are prone to do? What about on other random days during the year?’
I don’t know if he’d shared all those feelings while she was alive, but I immediately made a resolution as I listened on that pew…
If Kelly passes before me, my eulogy of her will consist of praises she and others have heard countless times. No one would ever question if I’d shared such sweet praises about my wife while she was still alive.
I thought of that widower husband as I glanced at a printed copy of his wife’s funeral program this week. So today, I make good on my own personal resolution…
Proverbs 5:18 instructs husbands to “rejoice in the wife of your youth.” In a modern, American, Anglo-dominant culture, we English readers tend to read “rejoice” as something like “think happy thoughts about.”
From our cultural perspective, someone may “think happy thoughts about” another person without outwardly acting or saying anything out of the ordinary. But in ancient near-eastern cultures, feelings were expressed VISIBLY AND VOCALLY. [Even today, picture the funeral scenes on the news of tragedies in the Middle East and Africa. Or think of an orthodox Jewish celebration. Throngs of men and women yell, sing and cry loudly, and gesticulate in ways not as common in countries with historic European cultural/ethnic influence.]
The same Hebrew root word used here is used in numerous other passages to describe public praise of God.
So no ancient Jewish husband would hear those words and merely conclude “think private happy thoughts about your wife,” but “think happy thoughts about her that generate into private AND public praise.”
In fact, the famous “Proverbs 31 Woman” poem (“Eshet Chayil”) eventually became part of the weekly Jewish Shabbat family rituals. Before many Jewish families share a meal together on Friday night, they sing or recite these Biblical verses as a praise to the wife/mother of the house. Jewish tradition ensured the hardworking women preparing the Shabbat family meal would receive focused, verbal praise before anyone ate. Guests at the table? They’d listen in (or join in) as husband and children praised their tired wife and mother. I suppose it might have felt awkward for some wives to stand there receiving such public praise. But awkward or not, the hard working woman deserved the family’s praises, which began with, “A woman of valor, who can find? For her price is far above rubies…”
How many exhausted mamas/wives would appreciate sincere praise like that each week?
Publicly praising my bride is an act of obedience and worship to the God who made marriage to my bride possible.
[And to my fellow Christian husbands: “Rejoicing in your wife” isn’t just for the more romantic husbands, or the ones who tend to share their feelings more openly like I do. It’s not only for husbands with so-called “great” marriages. Rejoicing in our wives mirrors how Christ rejoices in His Bride, the Church. Christ’s Bride isn’t perfect. Yet He never stops delighting in Her.]
One of the greatest joys in my life is to tell Kelly and others all the ways I rejoice in her. And you, too, should worry if she goes before me. 😉
Sweetheart,
You most definitely are the wife of my “youth.” We first met at 13, dated for a while at 15, started dating again at 19, and married at 21. I still remember the first time your hand brushed against mine as my dad drove us in the car. We were such babies! We’ve already been together for more than half of our lives. And every day spent with you is a precious blessing.
You have patiently endured countless difficulties that came our way. You have managed our home with wisdom, fun, grace, and valor. You have taught our boys generosity, kindness, sensitivity for others’ feelings, and how to communicate their own feelings in positive ways.
You have remained a stalwart rock amidst my tumultuous vocational ministry.
You have extended loving interest to all who see you as “the pastor’s wife.”
You have stewarded a tight budget with care, while always remaining generous to others. Even when I’m not home, you have graciously served the hungry homeless who ring our doorbell.
You carefully consider what you will attempt or what path you will choose, and then always excel at your endeavors.
You thoughtfully practice discretion in all your words and actions, sensitively considering others’ feelings.
You rise early to care for your own body before you care for others in our home, ensuring we live healthy lives.
Scripture says, “beauty is fleeting.” But I’ll never notice if your beauty flees because God daily answers my prayer that you would be my constant ‘plumb line’ for Beauty. Every time I behold you, no matter how you look in that moment, the Lord graciously ensures you are Beauty Personified in my eye.
I honor you for all that you have done and all that you are. And it has been, and will always be, an honor to be your husband.
You are one of the most remarkable people I know and it’s joy to share life with you each day. Thank you for all the ways you make life special for the boys and me. You bring laughter, stability, and grace to our family as you selflessly serve. Our boys are blessed to have you as their Mama. I am blessed to have you as my wife. And I cherish each private and public opportunity to “rejoice in the wife of my youth.”
“A woman of valor, who can find? For her price is far above rubies?”
